Pirates' Christmas Dinner
by mCase616
Summary: All the POTC Characters gather for a Christmas Dinner
1. One: Don't Fall Into Any Cakes

Rating: PGish (i really dont know what for but just in case some unappropriate things happen, its good to be safe)

Summary: All the POTC characters attender a Christmas Dinner.

**Notes:** My friend and I wrote this together a while back, shortly after the first POTC movie. It it the only format that captures the humor perfectly. We did this together so all credit goes to myself(Casey) and my friend, Michelle, who does not have an account on here.

There are a lot of obvious POTC quotes twisted around to fit this story, don't worry though, being as who this was my first ever fanfic,I was young and stupid, it lessens and gets even more enjoyable as the story progresses.

Disclaimer: Nope...cries we do not own POTC or any of the lovable characters. We DO of course, own the dinner they cooked.

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_All the pirates gather at a Christmas dinner hosted by Governor Swann_

Jack: A Christmas dinner? I LOVE Christmas dinners! Drinks all around!

_Everyone approaches the table_

Jack: Well I think we've all reached the table at very special place, eh? Thristly...hungrily...

_Stares at rum on the table_

Jack: Yay! The rum is NOT gone!

Governor: Don't dig in just yet, Mr. Sparrow. Wait until everyone has sat down.

_Jack pulls out pistol and aims it at the Governor_

Jack: Don't you stand between me and my rum!

_Governor hesitates_

Jack: This shot is not meant for you!

_Will enters the room with Elizabeth and sees Jack aiming his pistol at the Governor_

Will: I knew I couldn't entirely trust you!

Jack: I never gave you a reason to

_Barbossa looks at Will_

Barbossa: What's in your head, boy? Stay out of it! This is getting good...

Mr. Cotton's Parrot: squacks Man over board! Man over board!

Mr. Gibbs: Cotton's right. We are all forgeting our table manners.

Barbossa: To blazes with the table manners! They're more what you call... guide lines than actual manners.

_Toilet flushes and Norrington walks out of the bathroom. Everyone stares at him_

Norrington: What?

Norrington realizes his wig is on wrong

Norrington: Excuse me.

_Norrington goes back into bathroom_

Jack: Move, Governor!

_Elizabeth runs over to Jack_

Elizabeth: Jack please! Don't shoot my Father! Please! For me...as a Christmas gift.

_Jack stares at Elizabeth while Will stares jealously in the background_

Jack: Alright...my dearest Elizabeth...for you.

_Jack lowers his pistol, but then suddenly the room gets dark and a ghostly figure approaches_

Mr.Gibbs: Eh! Who be you?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Aye...I be Will Turner!

Will: No your not! I am!

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: No your not!

Will: Yes I am!

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: No your not!

Will: Yes I am!

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: No your not!

_Jack gets impatient and continous to stare at the rum._

Jack: There's gonna be no living with them.

_Pintel reaches into grab the rum. Jack taps his hand with his sword_

Pintel: Why would you want to be living with them...

_Everyone turns to Jack just as Norrington comes out of the bathroom_

Norrington: Oh, now that I'm not making a fool of myself I'm not wanted. I see how things are.

Elizabeth: Awww, I get to sit next to the person I love and the person who loves me.

Norrington: I do not love you!

Will: You lied!

Jack: But he's not a pirate.

Barbossa: Can we PLEASE start eating? I'm getting hungry...which is technically impossible...

Jack: Improbable.

Governor: Not until we say Grace.

_Turns to Jack_

Governor: Would you like to start?

Jack: Start AND end. Dear Lord, Thanks for the rum. Amen. Was that good?

_Governor stares at him_

Norrington: What would you except from Jack Sparrow?

Jack: CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! Do we have to go through this a million times? I've got people to scare, treasure to pillage, RUM TO DRINK!

_Elizabeth stands up leans into Jack_

Elizabeth (in a whisper): That was despicable.

Will: Mrs. Swann. That was entirely rude. He's our guest.

Elizabeth: How many times must I tell you to call me Elizabeth! We're married for goodness sakes!

_Everyone stares at Elizabeth and Will_

Will (in a whisper): Why DID I marry you again?

Jack: Married? Married! You got married? You had a wedding! Were there drinks! TELL ME!

Elizabeth: Jack, you were there. You got drunk and danced all night long...

Will: You fell into the cake, do you remember any of this!

_Jack looks around at all of the stares_

Jack: So can we open the rum now?


	2. Two: New Lingo?

Continuation from Chapter One:

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Pintel: Can we PLEASE eat now? The food is getting cold.

Will: How can you tell...

_FINALLY everyone sits down and starts to eat_

Barbossa: This chicken is very good!

Governor: We didn't make chicken.

Barbossa: Sorry, It's been so long and...

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Ohhhhh, OOhhhhh-

Will: Dad, your not scaring anyone. So just eat.

Jack: Will, my dear boy, could you please pass the rum?

Will: You mean you haven't had any yet?

_Jack throws the empty bottle in front of him on to the floor_

Jack: Um...no.

_Will stares at Jack_

Jack: Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?

Will: Umm... Yes.

Jack: Please, Will. I'll buy you a hat... A really BIG one.

Barbossa: You still owe me one!

Jack: Shut up, I'm not talking to you.

_Barbossa stands up and unshethes his sword_

Jack: Come on mate! All I wanted was a bottle of rum. A measly little bottle of rum! And now you want to fight!

_Barbossa steps backwards_

Elizabeth: NNNNNNOOOOOO!

_Everyone looks at her_

Elizabeth: Barbossa, you lying scoundrel! You almost stepped on the presents!

Barbossa: Terribly sorry, Miss Turner. Jack and I'll take this outside. Let's go Jack.

Jack: Alright but hold my sword for a minute. I need one more sip of rum.

Barbossa: No problem, Buddy.

_Jack hands Barbossa his sword and pours himself a drink_

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Ooooohhhhh...OOOOhhhhh...

Will: SHUT UP DAD!

_Barbossa (still holding Jack's sword) tries to stab Jack_

Jack: Don't even think about it, mate.

Barbossa: Oh yea, sorry. I forgot you were big, bad Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jack: Thank You! Somebody remembers my full name!

Barbossa: Oh sorry, did I say captain, I mean't Cabin Boy.

Jack: Now that's not very nice.

Barbossa: Nobody ever said it was.

Norrington: Come on peeps!

_Everyone stares at him_

Norrington: Ahem...ladies and gentlemen! Please! Can this be a nice Christmas dinner?

Jack: Um...lemme think about it, mate. No.

_The doorbell rings_

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: I'll get it!

_Flies to the door_

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Whhhhhhoooooooooooo's There?

Will: DAD!

_Bootstrap Bill's Ghost Opens Door_

Christopher Walken: Hi! Whassup?

_Everyone is quiet_

Christopher Walken: Um...well...I think I came to the wrong place. Bye! Oh...Hi Johnny!

_Jack waves_

_Christopher Walken walks in and looks at Pintel_

Chrisopher Walken: Who's this fine lady?

_Jack walks over to Christopher and rests his arm on him_

Jack: Listen...Chris, buddy...two things. One, that be no girl.

_Pintel looks angrily at Christopher_

Christopher Walken: Oh.

Jack: Two...I'm Captain Jack Sparrow right now...not Johnny. Here's my cell number and you can call me later, savvy?

_Jack ( Johnny ) gets out piece of paper and starts to write while everyone stares at them_

Christopher Walken: Savvy? Is that new lingo I'm not up to date on?

Barbossa(in a mumble): Your not up to date on anything.

_Jack hands the piece of paper to Christopher Walken, shakes his hand and sits down._

Christopher Walken: Thanks, Captain Jack Sparrow. I'll be going off to me Christmas dinner with Tom Cruise. Good-Bye Ya'll!

Everyone: Bye!

_Christopher Walken leaves_


	3. Three: Lousy Tree Huggers

Continuing!

---------------------------------------------------

_Anamarie walks up to Jack and slaps him_

Jack: Now I DEFINITELY didn't deserve that one!

Anamarie: Who was he!

Mr. Cotton's Parrot: _squaks_ Anchores away! Anchores away!

Mr. Gibbs: He...she...they're right! Who be this...Tom Cruise?

Anamaria: And Christopher Wlaken.

Jack: Never mind.

_Jack sits down to finish his rum and everybody stares at the door and then to him_

Jack: Have you mates noticed...that you all need lives? All you do is stare at people. That's all your been doing since the beginning of this dinner.

Norrington: Bleak...very bleak.

Elizabeth: Let us all eat now.

_Elizabeth looks around_

Elizabeth: Where is my father?

_Will looks around_

Will: And mine?

_Everyone stands up.._

Jack: THERE YOU GO! Doing that everyone does what everyone else is doing thing!

_Anyway...everyone stands up and Will and Elizabeth go into the kitchen_

Governor: Does this apron make me look fat?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Nnnnooooo...nnnootttt aattt aaalll!

Will: DDDDDDAAAADDDDD!

Elizabeth: What in Norrington's name are you dooooiiiinnng?

Will (starts to panic): NO! Not you too, Mrs. Swann.

Elizabeth: I'm not- I just- ummm...

Jack: Let's all just DROP IT!

Pintel (still sitting at the table): I'm eating whether any of you like it or not!

_Pintel starts digging in_

Ragetti: Since its obvious we're never going to finish dinner..can we get to the presents?

_EVERYONE starts to nod_

_Jack sighs_

_All of a sudden Jacoby's beard catches on fire_

Everyone: FIRE!

Jack: ALL!

_Jacoby starts to run around and runs into the tree which starts to catch on fire_

_Jack throws a bucket of water on Jacoby and Will throws one on Mr. Gibbs_

Barbossa: Forget them! Save the tree!

Jack (whispers to himself ): Lousy tree hugger...

_Elizabeth throws water on the tree_

Pintel: At least the presents are safe!

_Presents MAGICALLY set on fire_

Everyone: NO!

_The presents MAGICALLY um...er...UNFIRE_

Jack: Now you definitely don't see that everyday, eh mate?

_Everyone stares_

_Jack sighs again_

Governor: I think we should open the presents before anything else happens.

Jacoby: No Fair.

Elizabeth: Why is that not fair?

Jacoby: No Fair.

Pippin (whispers into Elizabeth's ear): He thinks he has no presents.

Elizabeth: First of all; Oh, there are presents for you Jacoby. And second of all; WHO ARE YOU!

_Frodo peeks his head through the door_

Frodo: Come on Pippin. The ring is calling...

Jack(whispers to Will): Now you definitely don't see that everyday, eh mate? Little people...it's a shame about the midgits though. Obsessed with raisins. Humiliated grapes really.

_Legolas peeks in and sees Will_

Legolas and Will: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jack: Whoa! This is rather... spooky. And I know spooky.

_Elizabeth starts to walk towards Legolas_

Elizabeth: Why, hello.

Legolas: Hello. And to whom do I owe this pleasure?

_Elizabeth sticks out her hand and Legolas puts down his bow and arrow and kisses her hand_

Will: Ahem.

Jack: Now don't be gettin' your feathers in a tizzy, mate.

Barbossa: Presents?

Frodo: Legolas, Pippin please. Help me! That ring is calling...

_Meanwhile Pippin is talking with one of Jack's crew...the short guy_

Pippin: Oh? What? Okay.

Legolas: Good bye ma'am.

_Elizabeth Giggles_

Will: Elizabeth... you love me... Right?

Elizabeth(mumbles to herself): Oh ya, forgot.


	4. Four: Dying Shrubbery

Continuin--(Do i have to say it anymore?)

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Jack: That's Great! So Original!

_Everyone stares_

Jack: Inside joke, you wouldn't get it.

Elizabeth: I don't even get it.

_A strange noise comes from the corner_

_Everyone turns_

Jack: Why do I even bother?

_Everyone still turns. They see Norrington sleeping on a chair, snoring_

Barbossa: This is boring. Look at Commodore Norrington, he's snoring.

Jack: Don't do poetry, mate.

Mr. Gibbs: Somebody best be waking em' mate.

_Jack rapidly shakes his head_

_Everyone looks at Jack_

Jack: I guess that'll be me?

_Everyone knods in agreement_

_Jack walks up to Norrington and looks at him_

Jack: Wwwwoooaaaa!

_Norrington still snores_

Mr. Brown: When that happened to me, it took a good 'ole sword fight to wake me up.

Barbossa: No presents for him then. Oh well. Tough luck.

_Everyone gathers around the half burnt, and wet tree_

Elizabeth: It's so beautiful.

Jack(sarcastically): If you like dying shrubbery, then I guess so!

_Elizabeth spies Legolas' bow & arrow in the corner_

Elizabeth: Oh look. Legolas left his effects here. I should go give it to him.

Will: Um...no... Maybe we should wake Norrington. I'm willing to fight someone. Where's that Legolas fella?

Elizabeth: Stop it.

Will: What? He needs to be woken up.

_Elizabeth hits Will in the back of the head_

Will: That didn't hurt.

_Elizabeth pinches Will and pins him to the ground_

Jack: Savvy moves darling.

_Legolas opens front door_

Legolas: Forgot my bow & arrow. Sorry.

Elizabeth: No problem!

Will: Er...

_Elizabeth hurts Will even more_

Will: OW!

Jack talking to Mr. Gibbs: You never can trust a woman. They'll go all loopy on ya.

Mr. Gibbs: Loopy?

Jack: Loopy.

Mr. Gibbs: Loopy?

Jack: Loopy.

Mr. Gibbs: Loopy?

Jack: Loopy.

Norrington: Alright! We get it! LOOPY!

Jack(mumbling): And the beast awakens.

_Mr. Gibbs Starts to crack up_

Norrington: Mr. Gibbs, That'll Do!

Jack: Let's all just drop it!

Mr. Gibbs: They got the picture before, mate.

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Iiii dddddiiiiidddnnn'''tttt...

Will: Dad...can I see you in the kitchen a minute?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Sssssuuurrreee...

_They walk into the kitchen. You hear the faint voices_

Will: How many times have I told you to stop it?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Ssssooorrrrryyyy, sssoooonnn.

Will: Dad!

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Yyyyyes. sssir.

_Arguing from the kitchen_

_Jack starts to look round_

Jack: So...the weathers been nice hasn't it, mates?

Barbossa: Dandy.

_Elizabeth puts her hand on his shoulder_

Elizabeth: Barbossa, I know you want to open the presents, but this stories gotta end somewhere. Sorry to say it but...

_Everyone stares at Elizabeth, who goes on_

Elizabeth: ... The presents... ARE EMPTY!

Barbossa: But... But... all the distinctive shapes, there are oval and funny looking shapes and one of those boxes are moving like there is a little puppy inside.

_Barbossa starts to whimper_

Elizabeth: Ya, to make it believable. I had to explain it to you, before you had a heart attack.

_Aragorn walks into the room_


	5. Five: Yes! Astro Turf!

La...la...continuing

--------------------------------------

Aragorn: I used Frodo's ring and figured out you guys had no presents(Don't ask). Come over to the Shire and you can open some.

Governor: NO! I don't think so ! You won't be taking MY guests out of MY house!

Elizabeth: Um...Dad.

Governoir: Don't um... Dad me!

_Jack walks over to Aragorn_

Jack: Listen buddy! I had a present here in my pocket the whole time! I was going to give it to Will, but he's a little busy.

_Points to the kitchen where you can still hear voices_

Aragorn: Thank you.

_Aragorn opens present_

Aragorn: A shirt! Thank you!

_Aragorn unfolds the shirt_

Aragorn: Why does it say, "You're not a eunuch are you? Cause I am." on it?

Jack: Remember mate...it was for Will.

Aragorn: Will's not a eunuch, is he?

_Everyone looks around. Then at Elizabeth_

Elizabeth(sternly): No. Why bother asking me? Everytime you ask, no matter who it is or how special you are...

_Looks at Jack and Jack smiles_

Elizabeth: ... I will always, always, ALWAYS say no. I would never marry a eunuch.

Jack: How are you so sure of that?

_Aragorn leaves_

_Jack hands Barbossa a present_

Jack: Here ye go mate!

Barbossa: Thanks buddy!

_Barbossa opens present_

Barbossa: A A A A PUPPY!

Jack: WOA! Sorry! Barbossa...bad boy! How did you get in there?

_Jack takes puppy_

Jack: Bad Barbossa.

_Jack smiles_

_Barbossa sees present at the bottom of box_

Barbossa(sarcastically): Oh! A dog treat.

Jack: Sorry again mate!

_Takes dog treat_

Jack: Here you go Barbossa.

Barbossa: Stop saying my name!

Jack: Not you, we named the puppy, Barbossa.

Barbossa: There's a We?

Jack: No, that's just what you said.

Barbossa: Oh.

_Barbossa sees a green thing at the bottom of the box_

Barbossa: Yes! Astro Turf! Just one step closer to having a soccer field on the Black Pearl.

Jack: Um... I don't want a soccer field on the Black Pearl. I'm more of a hockey/football guy.

Barbossa: Who cares what you want!

Jack: It's my ship!

Barbossa: Oh, ya. Then, how did I get here?

Governor: The police escorted you. Do you remember any of this?

Barbossa: I remember feelin... cold and... That's about it.

Jack: I think the Altimer's Disease is catching up.

Barbossa: It is not!

Jack: Is too!

Will: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!

Jack: Calm down mate.

Elizabeth: He's hasn't been himself lately.

Jack: How can you tell? How are eunuchs suppose to act?

Will: I'm not a eunuch!

Jack: Right...and I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

Will: You are.

Jack: Exactly! So therefore...you must be a eunuch.

Will: Huh?

Jack: Oh never mind! Where's the rum?


	6. Six: The BeeGees Are Dead

(Will die if she has to say Continuing one more time)

-----------------------------

Pintel: Seems like you have already had enough of that stuff.

Jack: Don't tell me what to do!

Pintel: I'm not!

Jack: You know I do have connections.

Pintel: Ya?

Jack: Ya.

Pintel: Like who?

Jack: Umm... Darth Vader.

Pintel: So?

Jack: Soo... he could slice you in half like poor 'ole Obi-Wan.

Pintel: That was Darth Maul.

Jack: I know him, too.

Ragetti: Yea well...I know Anakin Skywalker.

Jack: He be the same as Darth Vader mate.

Ragetti: So. He could still beat up Darth Maul AND Darth Vader!

_Jack considers_

Jack: I bet you FIVE of Norrington's wigs that Darth Maul AND Darth Vader could beat up Anakin Skywalker.

Barbossa: Now that be just as impossible..

Jack: Improbable.

Barbossa: Right...improbable...as if I could eat or feel!

Jack: My odds aren't that bad mate!

Barbossa: NO! No! By all means, you'll win! It's just that if Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker are the same person...then how can they fight?

_Everyone thinks_

Will: Confusing! It's like, they're the same person and yet, they can kill each other, so if one stabs the other then both of them say Ow! And if the other gets stabbed in the heart, then both drop down dead. And if-

Jack: Wonderful, Sherlock. We're very proud of you.

Will: Thanks, Watson.

Jack: That was a one time thing!

Governor: Can we please just open the presents without any arguing or anything?

Jack: OH! REALLY! You want us to be friendly? Hm? And then I suppose you'll want us to all dress up in Angora sweaters! Hm?

Governor: No...

Jack: Sorry...

Barbossa: So there are presents! By Golly, Gee Whiz, That's fantastic!

_Everyone stares_

Ragetti: That's a side of you I've never seen.

Barbossa: That's a side of ME I've never seen.

Jack: That's odd.

Pintel: Not as odd as that...

Jack: What?

Pintel: Look!

_Everyone runs to the window where they see Aragorn standing outside_

Jack: So?

Pintel: Look closer...

_Jack looks closer and sees that Aragorn is wearing his "You're not a eunuch are you? Cause I am." shirt._

_Everyone starts to laugh_

Jack: Looks like we got another Will on our hands mate!

Elizabeth: Should I shoo him away before he scares the neighbors?

Governor: No, give him a minute.

_Everyone continues to stare_

Pintel: What is he doing?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Yoooooooooooooooga.

Will: Dad! Oh never mind. Elizabeth, tell him to make himself useful and order us some food because I'm hungry and SOMEONE ate all the food.

Elizabeth: Like what?

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Piiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Elizabeth: Alright.

_Elizabeth walks outside and talks to Aragorn_

_Jack slowly walks over to Will_

Jack: By the way mate. I didn't eat all the food...just the rum.

Will: Sure ya did...

_Elizabeth comes in from outside_

Elizabeth: We have a problem.

Jack: This is Houston, come in.

_No one gets his joke_

Jack: Never mind.

Elizabeth: Aragorn doesn't know what pizza is.

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Wwweeellllllll Tooooooooooooooo Baaaaaaaaddddd!

Will: I'm not gonna bother. Does he know what a cheesesteak is?

Elizabeth: I'll check.

_Walks out to Aragorn_

Jack: Great choice, Will.

_Elizabeth Walks Back In_

Elizabeth: He says he does but won't buy one unless it's from Philly.

Governor: Well... John Travolta lives down the street and he owes me a favor so Aragorn can borrow his Jet.

Elizabeth: But it's Christmas. I'm sure he has better things to do than fly someone.

Jack: No, he has no friends. The '70's are over, The Bee-Gees are dead. He'll do it.

Elizabeth: Well...I don't know. I don't like Johnny..

Jack: Ahem.

Elizabeth: Shut up. You know what I mean. Can we ask anyone else?

Barbossa: Presents?

Elizabeth: Hold you anchors Barbossa. Well get there.

Governor: Well...Hugh Grant lives around here somewhere.

Elizabeth: EW! NO! Johnny's fine.

Jack: I know I am.

_Elizabeth looks at Jack_

Jack: What? I'm taking Barbossa for a walk.

Barbossa: I don't need one! I'm fine!

Jack: I meant the dog.

Pintel: Someone needs a nappy.

Barbossa: I don't take naps without my blanky.

_Everyone stares_

Barbossa: I said that out loud didn't I?

Mr. Cotton's Parrot: squacks Lower the anchor! Lower the anchor!

_Everyone turns to hear what Mr. Gibbs has to say_

Mr. Gibbs: He said...um...uh..

Jack: Spit it out you slack-jawed idiot!

Mr. Gibbs: Don't be raisin' your voice Captain.

_Jack grumbles_

Mr. Gibbs: Mr. Cotton says it is gettin' late and that everyone should go home and let him eat the rest of the food.

Will: It's not like we have any...

Jack: I told you it wasn't me!

Will: Sure...

Elizabeth: Well, Aragorn just called and he's already there.

Barbossa: Fried onions!

Elizabeth: Whatever. He's on his way back.

Jack: Mr. Cotton's gone.

Will: Oh well.

Jack: Are you going to have any kind of happy attitude tonight?

Will: I'll think about it.

_Elizabeth stares out the window_

Elizabeth: Mr. Cotton IS leaving.

Jack: Told ya.

Elizabeth: He doesn't know his way home though.

Pintel: I wonder how he's gonna ask for directions...

_Moon raises and all the cursed pirates turn into skeletons_

Barbossa: I thought we were done with this!

Jack: Apparently not.

Barbossa: Shut up! You don't have to rub it in just because your not cursed!

Jack stickes his tongue out

Jack: I'm not cursed!

Barbossa: Shut up!

Jack: I'm not cursed!

Barbossa: Stop it!

Jack: I'm not cursed!

Barbossa pleads: Please!

Jack: I'm not cursed!

Elizabeth: Stop it! Both of you!

_Jack and Barbossa bow their heads and stops_

Jack: I'm still not cursed!

Elizabeth: STOP IT!


	7. Seven: I Wish You Didn't Miss The Rocks

My Last Chapter! sobs

-----------------------------------------

Jack: Sorry my dearest Elizabeth.

Norrington: Childish

_Governor yawns_

Governor: When the cheesesteaks come, everyone will leave. I'm tired.

Jack: How about we have a sleepover? I love sleepovers!

Governor: NO!

Jack (whispers to the Governor): Can I have a sleepover? PLEASE?

Governor: Will you leave me alone?

Jack: Deal.

Governor: Deal.

_Elizabeth get fed up_

Elizabeth: Out! All of you! NOW!

_Elizabeth pushes everyone out the door_

Mr. Gibbs to Jack: Kid's a bit of a stick ain't she?

Jack: You have no idea.

_Elizabeth closes the door and stares out the window at all the skeleton pirates...except_ _Jack...cause he's not cursed_

_Jack approaches window and mouths something out to Elizabeth_

Elizabeth: I can't hear you.

_Jack rolls his eyes and writes "Now that's not very nice." On the window_

Elizabeth: Ta!

_Jack runs to door and slightly opens it_

Jack: I wish you didn't miss the rocks.

_Will hears him and runs over to him_

Will: Say that again and I'll kill you!

Jack: I wish you didn't miss the rocks.

_Will starts to run towards Jack but then stops_

Will: That's it. No sleepover for you.

Jack: No! I take it back! Sorry Elizabeth! Sorry Will! I... I...

Will: Yes?

Jack(mumbling): Love you.

Elizabeth: Ahh...

Jack: Can I come in now?

Governor: No.

Jack: It was a deal.

Governor: Fine.

Jack: Thanks. Your a real pal.

_Elizabeth looks outside and everyone is gone_

Elizabeth: Good.

_They hear a jet_

Jack: Is that a plane?

_Plane lands and Aragorn steps out holding bags in each hand_

Aragorn: Where's the party?

_Aragorn looks around and sees only Jack, Will, and Elizabeth_

Jack: Um...they um...didn't like the party so they caught up with Christopher Walken at Tom Cruise's Christmas Party.

Aragorn: Whose Christopher Walken and Tom Cruise?

Jack: No one. They're no one. Distant cousins' of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice though. Eunuchs...like Will.

Elizabeth: Why did I invite you?

Jack: Because you can't resist me.

_Will gets mad and leaves_

Elizabeth: Now look what you've done!

Jack: Boy could never take the truth.

Governor: Leave my daughter alone and go eat you cheesesteak.

Jack: With extra cheese?

Governor: With extra cheese.

Jack: Okay. And then I'll go to sleep.

Governor: And then you'll go to sleep.

Jack: See ya.

Governor: Is this new lingo you learned?

Jack: No.

Governor: Oh.

Elizabeth stands with Aragorn by herself

Aragorn: Bye.

Elizabeth: Yes...bye.

_Aragorn leaves leaving Elizabeth_

_Jack suddenly runs out_

Elizabeth: What's wrong!

Jack: They bed almost ate me! They bed almost ate me!

_Jack leaves_

Elizabeth (sarcastically): I can't wait until next year.

Jack: Neither can I darling.

_Elizabeth looks around and sees no one and gets scared and runs away_

_A Few Hours Later_

_Snow falls_

_You see Norrington trudging through the snow and up to the Governor's house_

_Rings doorbell_

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Weeee ddddoooon't knnnnowwww yoooooou.

Norrington: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!

Bootstrap Bill's Ghost: Hey! I can do that!

_Snow continues to fall_


	8. Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed reading this Parody as much as my friend and I enjoyed writing it.

Just to clear a few things up, there are various references to numerous things. The line about "This is so boring, Look at Commodore Norrington, he's snoring" was from the 2003 Oscars. Billy Crystal said something along those lines.

The "Brilliant Sherlock; Thanks Watson; Hey! That was a one time thing!" monologue is of course referring to when Johnny Depp played gene Watson in _Nick of Time. _Any self respecting Depp fan can tell you that.

There are many more like that throughout the story and its awesome if you recognize them all. I still enjoying reading this and there are some lines where I still laugh and we wrote it close to three years ago.

Once again, thanks for reading!

Yours,

Casey

(And of course Michelle)


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